Recovery

Recovery, what a strange word, you need to recover from your operation, and also need to recover from the treatments they have thrown you into, then you need to recover from the assault on your mind. My mind is it's own worst enemy. I know that I have lost my breast, but for some unknown reason, I think people look at you strangely as if your boob's define who and what you are, that they define you as a complete and whole woman. Silly really, but a real thought that I considered.

After my operation I was hospital in a total of 5 days, then, sent home, with drainage bags attached, strange I thought, with an open wound you would be in hospital until all was clear. So home I went, with the home care nurse attending daily.

4 days later I had an appointment for a check with the surgeons, and yes true to form I had an infection, (they say it was very nasty), I was promptly admitted that evening, (no mucking around now), I spent another 7 days "inside", dealing with canula's and receding veins, extremely painful. I had to refuse another canula being inserted after the previous one had slipped out of the vein, and started to pump antibiotics straight into the muscle, (a pain and swelling that I never want to visit again).

I was happy to be home and getting the "anti's", in tablet form. This now gave me time to go over everything that had taken place in the previous 21 days. “What a trip I had been on”, fear being my companion most of the way, now as I sat at home, sipping coffee, the reality of what actually happened hit me.

So did the regrets of not having enough information, or being able to absorb the information given to me, enough to make a rational decision, instead putting myself in the hands of “Professionals”. I’m told by other women, this is the way to go, because “if they don’t know what they’re doing by now, well, we are all stuffed”,…. And so say all of us hoorah!

So many little things I cannot get my head around, and yet they are inconsequential in reality, but it’s me and I’m selfish, now. The “If I’d know” statements flicker in and out of my mind after now actually having time to research, and some of the things that happened may have been done differently, and probably more comfortably for me.

I’m trying not to dwell on this too much as again I’ve had to make a snap decision about reconstruction. What a mine-field…., I’m a priority 2 on the waiting list, which is good I suppose, it gives me up to 6 months to heal from the mastectomy. On the day I was asked the question, “What do you want?, Silicon or lift”, I on the one hand would love to have my youthful breasts back, so the Silicon is looking good, but really in the back of my head is the thought that, the cancer will come back in the other breast, and all this surgery is just a waist of time. I had this dilemma of needing to give an answer right then and there, I chose the lift. Now I’ve changed my mind and would love to get Silicon. I’m hoping that I can see my Plastics Dr next week and advise that I would now after research and great thought prefer to have the Silicon. I’m crossing my fingers.

The upshot is I don’t think of Recovery as being just the physical side now, it’s all things.